I picked this book up at the library thinking that it might have some good information for me as a parent. It did not. And, I was very put off by O'Reilly's style. For example, in the chapter about teen sex he does hit on all the dangers, pregnancy, disease, being used, but stops short of just saying, "don't" because he says, "As for me, I not going to tell you to avoid sex, because in the end you will do what you want anyway."
Sex is a bad thing for teens. They are not emotionally ready. Sex is not about loving another person at that age, it is about exploiting another person for pleasure. And the dangers that O'Reilly lists are real and they have life long consequences that sometimes filter down through generations because teen pregnancy is a quick short cut to real poverty and all it's many problems.
Drugs. Again, O'Reilly lists all of the dangers, but stops short of saying, "don't". I can see his angle. Present all the evidence and treat teens like adults who can make decisions for themselves.
I think that's fine, but kids should hear a firm "don't" from adults they respect. For one thing it gives them an excuse. My dad used to say that if I ever felt uncomfortable in any situation, I could call home and he would come get me. I probably would have felt that way anyway, but it was good that he said it. I will say that to my daughter. My dad also said that if I was ever asked to do anything that made me uncomfortable I could blame him, "Aw shucks! I'd love to, but my dad will get really mad!" I've already told c to say, "I can't. My mom's so mean.. she'd ground me for a year!"
Have you ever heard a successful adult say, "Gee whiz, I wish I had experimented with drugs as a teen"? No. That alone qualifies drug experimentation as a "don't".
I talk to c about sex, drugs, child abuse, divorce, drinking, smoking and all the rest. I am NOT one of those parents who is afraid of these subjects. I was at first, but I found that c was already hearing things at school and now she brings up the subjects most of the time, which is great. 3 isn't too young to tell a kid you don't want them smoking. And, "Don't" & "Absolutely Do NOT" are words that parents and leaders who love kids and teens are comfortable with in their vocabulary. They may not take your advice, but if they know how strongly you feel they just may and avoid a lot of mistakes in the end.
Skip this book for teens and go with, "Way to Be!" by Gordon B. Hinckley who was never afraid to say, "Don't!"
8 comments:
I had no idea that was in that book. We just assume way to much.
I am glad that you are not the type of mother just to not let it be discussed. If you aren't taking the time to talk to your kids, they will find someone else to talk about it with them. And it might be someone that has opinions like Bills. I am the same way. I want the questions and the conversation to be with us. The Parents, so that we can tell them the facts plus give them the values that go along with the facts. When I discussed it recently with my daughter, we were bawling by the end of it because the spirit was so strong. She told me, I feel special. She knew that marriage and having these precious spirits come into our homes was a special thing. I love the book Way to Be. Thanks for bringing this up Tiff, because I will tell my friends about Bills opinion on sexual matters in this book.
Do you think they taught parents in our stake to tell their kids that? Cause my parents always told me I could blame them too! And it actually was a handy out sometimes. They told me I could always call too. Great review Tif, I'll stick with Pres. Hinckly!
I couldn't agree with you more!
First, I think Bill is a dork! He is combative and just plain obnoxious! I can't stand to listen to him on the radio or on TV... he really rubs me the wrong way!
Second, I totally agree that kids today need to hear the facts, and a very firm "WE DON'T" and heres why. I started talking with my kids when they were young too... We have alcoholism in our family... so I often talk to them about drinking, drugs, smoking, sex, and then talk about the addictive gene that runs in our family.(my sil, the therapist, suggested that we all do this...) I explain all the ins & outs of that... and then we have a frank, firm talk about this is WHY we have to stay far far away from all these addictive behaviors.
I serve in the youth group at my church, and I have been SHOCKED at the types of things the girls in my cute town (& at my high school) are involved in (scary stuff! makes me want to start a compound in Montana!)
Too many parents are NOT having these frank discussions! Good job Tiff!
ps. My parents said the same thing too... too funny! I'm with Michelle!!
Just follow the prophet... are you singing that song now??:>)
Amen! I think you're so wise. My girls have all the info to navigate grade school, and I 'm grateful they got it from me. I love the idea of blaming things on your parents. It gives the kids a great safety net and a great excuse. Without that excuse, kids might assume their parents don't care whether they try things or not. If you care, you have to instill that notion in your kids. It makes them feel safe and loved to know your expectations.
Amen sister!
I don't know if you get "WeTV" (wetv.com) but there is a series called "High School Confidential" that has tracked 12 girls over 4 years and it's not that I'm astounded that they've had sex (seriously, kinda thought more of them would) but their "reasons" for having it.
I am also trying really hard to keep the dialog open in my house with my kids... and if that doesn't work, I'm all for joining Motherboard's compound!!! (Hey, if we all went - we could have some FANTASTIC book clubs... just think!!! ...ahhh don't get me started ;)
Excellent point that you never hear an adult say "I sure wish I experimented with drugs when I was younger!" It's hard to convey that to teenagers, but as far as drugs, sex, etc goes, you will NEVER regret waiting.
Great post!!! I am glad you wrote this because a friend of mine was wondering about how to talk to her kids about some of these things and I shared this post with her.
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