I remember hearing this as a child. I love this story.

In “The Vision of Sir Launfal,” an interesting story is told of a young knight who rode out into the world in search of the Holy Grail (the cup which the Master supposedly drank from at the Last Supper). He had dedicated his life to the quest. He was young, handsome, and strong, clothed in bright and shining armor, mounted on a gallant white charger. As he crossed the drawbridge riding out into the world, a beggar (who was a leper) put up his hand to him, begging alms. The young knight reached into his pouch, took out a gold coin and flung it to the beggar as he rode on, but he really did not give the beggar very much because no one would accept even a gold coin from a leper.

The young man searched for the cup; of course he didn’t find it, although he spent his life in the quest. He did, however, learn a lot, and at the close of his life he was returning to his castle, no longer young. He is now shrunken with age. His armor is no longer bright; his mount is no longer a charger but just a tired old gray horse. As he was about to cross the drawbridge into the castle, once again a beggar put up his hand begging for alms. This time Sir Launfal stopped, got down from his horse, reached into his knapsack and took out the only thing he had—a crust of bread. He then dipped his cup into the stream and gave the crust of bread and one cup of cold water to the beggar.

The wooden cup from which the beggar drank turned into the Holy Grail for which he had searched, and the beggar turned into a Christ and said a very interesting thing. He said:

“Not what we give, but what we share.

For the gift without the giver is bare;

Who gives himself with his alms feeds three,

Himself, his hungering neighbor, and me.”

(“The Vision of Sir Launfal,” James R. Lowell.)

https://www.lds.org/…/1973/10/you-shall-receive-the-spirit.…

The Candy Bombers by Andrei Cherny

If your patriotism is a little rusty in light of "Scandalpalooza" and celebrating Independence Day is feeling a little marred, this is the book for you. The Berlin Airlift was one of America's finest hours.
After the Allies defeated Nazi Germany in a total war, Berlin was a heap of burned rubble. When Germans heard the sound of American planes, they cowered. Americans and Germans were afraid of each other and there was a lot of hate. It is important to understand that in the recent war every American had lost a son, father, best friend, husband or brother to the Nazi's and America's anger ran deep. The Germans were crushed in every possible way.
Then, the Berlin Blockade: (from Wikipedia.12 May 1949 "was one of the first major international crises of the Cold War. During the multinational occupation of post–World War II Germany;  the Soviet Union blocked the Western Allies; railway, road, and canal access to the sectors of Berlin; under Allied control. Their aim was to force the western powers to allow the Soviet zone to start supplying Berlin with food, fuel, and aid, thereby giving the Soviets practical control over the entire city.") This was literally a fight for the German Soul, would they turn to Communism and Slavery or would they begin to understand Republican government and choose liberty?

Enter, Hal Halvorsen who meets some starving German children near a fence while the children are watching the planes. He realizes that these children are so poor, that the pack of gum in his pocket could make their day. Breaking rules that could have had him court martialed, he promises to drop them some sweets. Realizing that dropping candy from a plane could literally make it dangerous, he devises little parachutes from his collection of handkerchiefs. Operation Little Vittles is born.
It is kindness that wins the hearts of the German people who suffer greatly through the days of the air lift and it is kindness that changes the city from the crime capitol of the world to something else entirely.
As you read the letters to the Candy Bomber from Germany's children and even some of their parents, you will weep and you will remember what a great nation America used to be and I believe, can be again.

 Fun NPR Story: HERE...

My car is in Mobile, all my handkerchiefs are in Berlin, and my heart is in Utah 
~Hal Halvorsen

The Wind Blows in the Direction of the Promised Land...

The last few years seem to have been full of troubles for our little family. I don't want to make a list here, but we have been whelmed... not overwhelmed, but whelmed. Over the weekend, I have felt some fear and doubt and I have been a real grouch to be honest. I hate that little "picked on" voice that gets into my head and says things like, "How can this happen? We pay our tithing. We live in a modest home. We save. We try to do everything the prophet asks us to do. We blah, blah, blah...." What an irritating whiner! I hate whining.. This helps me not at all.
When people ask me my favorite scripture story, I never hesitate. I always say that I love the story of the Jaredites in the Book of Ether. I love the Brother of Jared. He has fears too. His country is in upheaval and he must take his friends and family and lead them to some unknown place. And so he asks the Lord what he should do and where he should go and the Lord tells him to gather up everyone and his flocks and other things,

"And when thou has done this thou shalt go at the head of them down into the valley which is northward, And there will I meet thee, and I will go before thee into a land which is choice above all the lands of the earth."

Then, the Lord tells the brother of Jared to build great barges, that he will be leading his friends and family on a great voyage. But, the barges have no provision for light. He goes to the Lord and asks him how he is going to see in the dark in the barges that will set forth upon an uncharted sea. And, the Lord asks the brother of Jared, "Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye may have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea?" Interesting. So the brother of Jared makes some 16 small stones or some crystal or something, "and they were white and clear, even as transparent glass..." And, then he asks the Lord to touch the stones. His faith is so great that he sees the finger of the Lord as he reaches out to touch the stones. And then the brother of Jared is transfigured and redeemed and brought into the presence of the Lord. It is such an amazing and beautiful story.
But even though the brother of Jared has had this perfect faith, he still has to lead his people on the scary voyage into the depths of the sea.

"And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.
And in came to pass that when they were buried in the deep there was no water that could hurt them, their vessels being tight like unto a dish, and also they were tight like unto the ark of Noah; therefore when they were encompassed about by many waters they did cry unto the Lord, and he did bring them forth again upon the top of the waters.
And it came to pass that the wind never did cease to blow towards the promised land...

I crave security. I love saving accounts, life insurance, food storage, stable jobs and good health. There are lots of things that we can and should do to preserve all those things. But they are things and things can be flimsy and temperamental and they can be lost. Our faith can be lost too. Sadly, I have seen people suffer all of these losses without the hope of faith.
I am grateful for faith. I love the Lord. I know the He is here for us. I know He will meet us and that with His breath He will blow us toward the Promised Land. We just need a moment to gather our family and our courage so that we can meet Him down in the valley.

Gratitude is a Princely Grace...

I wrote this article for Homemakers for American and they didn't end up using it.. so I'm going to publish it here and hope it's helpful to someone...

In the age of Entitlement, Gratitude is a Princely Grace: 10 Ways to make Gratitude Part of Your Childrens Lives

One of my husband’s professors in business school related a story about boarding a big city train with his large family. He was asked, "Are ALL of these children yours?" He answered that they were. "In a world of finite resources, how can you in good conscience have so many children?" The professor answered back, "We teach our children to contribute more than they consume." In an age of entitlement, that is the answer to many of society’s ills. But, how do you do that. Here are a few things that worked in my family growing up that I am trying hard to teach my own children.
1. Teach your children to love books. My mother and father read to us often. My mother preferred to read us large format stories with amazing pictures by talented artists. All of my mother’s children are art lovers. We loved horses, my dad read us books about horses: The Black Stallion, My Friend Flicka and Black Beauty. My Dad also loved the great poets and introduced us to Kipling, Shakespeare, Dickinson, Frost and others. When I was little, my parents weren’t rich, but we were surrounded by great books and so we had the world at our finger tips even though we lived in a very small town. We were introduced to other cultures and ideas and we knew what real poverty looked like. I remember coming home from the school library with a teen romance and having my dad send it right back to be replaced by books like The Hiding Place, The Robe, and books by James Michener and Irving Stone. I learned from those books about history and great writing and about courage and loyalty and other great values. I’ve noticed that many of the books on the current school list are quite light some of these consequential themes.
2. Be vigilant about the media you allow in your home. Children do not understand that the point of a program like The Simpsons is to make fun of bad behavior. Children will see you laughing and they will imitate that behavior. Bart is banned in my home as is Shrek and anyone else with bad manners or poor morals. Sponge Bob.. NO! I don’t expect that characters in books, music or film will always make right choices, that’s not art reflecting life, but I don’t allow media in my home that is not honest about the consequences of wrong choices. Children need to know that consequences always follow choices. In addition to the moral depravity you will keep away from your children, you will also keep them from advertisers who are anxious to tell them they can’t live without this or that thing.
3. Teach your children about money. I don’t believe in allowances. Out in the world, you don’t get an allowance, but I also don’t pay my children for every little thing they do. I don’t get paid for every little thing I do either. Some jobs we do just because we are part of a family and it takes efforts by everyone to make things run smoothly. After a certain age, children should be responsible for their own things. But, I also believe there should be ample opportunities for children to earn money of their own. When they are old enough to earn their own money, they should also be taught to manage it. What percentage should be saved? What can be spent? AND, what should be donated? Yes. I believe that children should learn to tithe. They should give 10 percent back to the Lord. If they don’t belong to a church, there are other ways they can learn to give, but a portion of what they earn should be given back in some way. I suggest ten percent. They should be taught to be charitable by example.
4. Teach your children to be grateful. This is pretty easy I think. If you are grateful, if you use the words "please" and "thank you" even when speaking to them, they will use those words as well. Count your blessings and teach your children to count theirs. Remember people in conversation who have helped you during the day, "Wasn’t it kind of that man to open our door?" Mention to your children how grateful you are for your home, for your church for your country and they will feel those things too.
5. Give your children yourself rather than toys or things. Nothing creates a brat faster than a child who is given stuff rather than attention. Nothing makes a child feel more special that a date with dad for ice cream. When I was little, I thought my dad loved pushing us in the swings more than anything else in life. Every once in a while my mom would say, "It’s your day, we can do whatever you want." Those words still make me happy.
6. Teach your children to admire the wonders of nature. My parents are not campers or outdoorsy in any way, but my dad loves his vegetable garden the pretty songbirds that visited our backyard, the sunsets and the stars. My mother loves the mountains, the flowers and the change of seasons. Growing up they often commented on these things and brought them to our attention and made us feel and acknowledge the wonder of the beauty around us.
7. Teach your children to have great joy in simple things. My grandfather always anticipates seasonal produce. He loves to stop and buy the cherries from a local grower, get the Vidalia Onions just as they come to market and buy the pick-your-own fresh peaches to make a pie. If you can’t be excited about the first bite of a new fall apple, you are missing something great in life. But, my point... there is something wonderful to celebrate everyday. Learn to be giddy about peaches and you’ll have a pretty happy life.
8. Learn to be patient. No one is above experiencing traffic, spilled milk, long lines and other minor irritations. Don’t make a big deal out of these things and the kids won’t either. Impatience is a lack of gratitude.
9. Don’t be afraid to discipline, but don’t yell and don’t hit. The point of discipline is to teach a child to discipline him or herself. If your kid doesn’t unload the dishwasher and you choose to ignore it, you aren’t doing the child a favor, When a child grows up and they don’t do their work... their boss will fire them. Families should be a training ground to make children ready to care for themselves and others. Allowing a child not to follow through teaches them that they are somehow entitled.
10. Love them. Let them know that they are loved, valued and appreciated and they will learn to love, value and appreciate others.
In my family now and growing up. These are some of the things that made a difference. I grew up in a family of seven children. All of my siblings have become people I admire and are people who contribute more than they consume.

A Future Spring..

A thing of beauty is a joy forever. — John Keats

Women's Shelter...

Love you dear friends...

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. ~Sirach 6:14

Turning a Corner...

This morning when I asked my little one to please eat her cereal at the table (she wanted to eat cereal and watch "buzz")... she turned around put cereal and spoon on the table and pulled herself back up into the kitchen chair. And, when I shouted, "Hooray!" she gave me her cute little smile.

She didn't scream, hold both hands out and yell "stop! Stop!" just to make sure that I know she is opposed to rules or any kind of discipline. She didn't squint her eyes and scream, "you! you!" in an accusing way or have a complete fit on the floor.

She obeyed and smiled and everything here is peaceful and quiet. Have we turned a corner? That would be lovely.

I wish all rules were fair and right and made sense. I wish they were consistently enforced... always within reason. It's civilizing to eat at the table .. right!?!

Who knows. I often feel like I'm making this stuff up as I go. I wish parents were kind and thoughtful and never exasperated or just wishing for QUIET and always knew what they were doing! Then kids would be sure to know that their mom & dad just love them and want desperately for them to grow up right and feel the responsibilities for their success and happiness always.

But, before I get too carried away. Deep breath! One triumph on a Thursday is pretty good.

Giving Blood...

I am squeamish about needles. You'd think after having 2 children, all my immunizations including flu shots every fall and allergy shots every week as a teen that I would be over it. I'm not, I'm a wimp.

My husband is not. He thinks it's pretty dumb not to be a blood donor. "It's so simple and you can save a life." He has faithfully donated blood about 4 times a year, but sometimes he's done it more often. He has kind of a rare blood type and so ARUP will call him personally and ask. He always runs in to the donation center in SLC. Once they called him and said that they had twins who were going in for surgery and could he come. We were on vacation. Had they not been able to find another donor, he was prepared to leave our vacation and drive a 12 hour round trip in order to help those twins. I know I'm blessed. This is just one of the million ways that C is a quiet hero.

Last night I decided it was time to stop being a wimp. There was no excuse. I had a good friend who was in a terrible accident at Christmas. It was time to step up. I hated it. They ask you all these questions that are icky to think about. For example, "Have you traded sex for drugs recently." No. I'm more of a pharmacy patron. I hated the needle. My kids were with me and when the little one saw a whole room of white coats.. she freaked out. There was screaming. It was embarrassing and little c had to take her out. It feels weird to be sitting there while your blood drains from your arm. When I got up, I felt woozy and nauseous basically until I went to sleep.

Who cares!!!

When I woke up this morning I felt wonderful!

Am I going to do it again. Yes. Am I going to hate every minute of it. Yes.

C said, "Just concentrate on the color blue.. It's very calming." He was wearing a blue shirt. I love you C.

Benefits of donating blood:

It reduces your risk of cancer.

Male blood donors are 17 times less likely to suffer a heart attack.

Donating blood helps you look and feel younger. (HERE)

Your body burns about 600-650 calories in its efforts to replace the blood you gave.

... and ....

YOU CAN SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE!!!

The people of Japan...

I'm really impressed with the people of Japan. Looting? No. Whining that people aren't doing enough for them? No. They are handling this most difficult tragedy with grace and patience. Had they not, had there been riots and disorder... markets already fairly shaky would have had further problems. The Japanese have given the world a gift with their grace.
I'm sure that we will all find some way to be helpful to them.

Little c gives her first talk in church...

on Valentine's Day ... and it went perfectly. She stood up straight, pronounced all her words with care.. even gratuitous which was the one giving her a bit of trouble. She did a fantastic! This is what she said....
Respect: Charity’s Sacrament Meeting Talk for February 14, 2010

A respectful person thinks of others. When they are a member of a class, they listen attentively and do their best to learn. A respectful person is careful with things, they protect and care for public property and the property of others. They don’t make a mess or they clean up after themselves. A respectful person tries hard to make sure their words never sting. A respectful person is kind to the elderly and to children and doesn’t look down on those that need extra help. A respectful person uses clean language and dresses modestly and appropriately. A respectful person takes the time to learn and practice good etiquette. A respectful person is mindful of others by making great efforts to be on time. A respectful person is a careful driver and makes everyone feel safe and comfortable. A respectful person does not do anything that will embarrass himself, his family or his friends. A respectful person is a grateful person. Respect demands that we step out of our own shoes enough to have empathy for others and to care for their feelings, for their property, for their time and for their safety. Jesus Christ exemplified respect in everything he did.
In his talk, Cultivating Respect, Terrance D. Olson tells a story about a class being taught by a substitute teacher. Substitutes are often the target of pranks because they often don’t have real authority in a class. This class decided that they would make a game of tossing raisins into the substitutes’ hair. When the students did this, they showed that they did not have respect. They robbed from themselves an opportunity to learn. They embarrassed the substitute, the regular teacher, themselves, their parents and their school. When the teacher returned she asked why the students acted so rudely. The class responded that the substitute was boring and the teacher said, "Even if that were true, does that justify treating someone disrespectfully?" Silence followed because the students knew there was no justification for their behavior.
One time we were playing at the park and one of the children started hanging on the branches of a new tree the city had planted, her older cousin took her quietly aside and said, "This little tree is trying so hard to grow up. When it becomes a big tree we can climb it and it will shade us while we have picnic and it will make air for us to breathe, but it can’t do any of this if the children in the park don’t protect it." When we respect property, we respect people. If we keep our feet off the furniture, keep track of our winter coat and drive the family car with care, we are showing respect for our parents and for their wallets. We show that we understand how hard they work to make things nice for us. Our parents know that they can send us to our friend’s home and know that we will respect that families property and that they will be glad to have us again in their home. It is difficult to remain great friends with those who don’t respect property.. they are too expensive.
In our society, the media is a poor example of how to behave and to speak. Sometimes when a television show tries to make fun of poor behavior, the weak minded rather than laugh at it, copy it instead. In his book Standing for Something, President Hinckley quoted, "In recent years the media have raised boorishness to an art form. The hip heroes of movies today deliver gratuitous put-downs to ridicule and belittle anyone who gets in their way. Bad manners, apparently, make a saleable commodity..." he continued, "Sloppy language and sloppy ways go together. Those who are truly educated have learned more than the sciences, the humanities, law, engineering, and the arts. They carry with them a certain polish that marks them as loving the better qualities of life, the culture that adds luster to the mundane world of which they are a part, a patina that puts a quiet glow on what otherwise might be base metal."
When we become self-aware, we know that our words carry weight and they can either lighten the burdens of others or can make them greater. We avoid gossip and are careful with the good names of others. Our words are kind, even to those whose behavior we may not admire. We do not tease to the point of stinging.
A respectful person is safe. They are careful with themselves and with others. They make others feel safe by their actions. They do not hit and do not hurt. They remember that their bodies are gifts from a gracious Father in Heaven and that health and well-being are a prizes beyond price.
When we are respectful, we have empathy for others, truly a Christ-like attribute. It was Jesus, who had empathy for the 5,000 and fed them with loaves and fishes. It was Christ who washed the feet of his disciples. It was Christ who said, "let the little ones come unto me." He walked great distances to be with his friends when they needed him. His words were soft and kind and his touched always healed.
I have a testimony that when we are respectful we are helping ourselves to become more like our Savior. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Common Miracles...

sweet...
beauty...

strength...

passion...

sustenance...

Why Giving Matters...

Thanks to Janice, who passed this along. This is a brilliant article by a Catholic Economist...
Hope you'll read it. HERE...

"Americans give a lot. In 2006 they gave about $300 billion to charity. To put that into perspective, $300 billion is more than the entire national income of Sweden. Seventy-five percent of America’s families give every year. Fifty percent volunteer their time, and Americans give in myriad other ways that are not captured in data.
The most charitable state in the United States is Utah, where people give approximately twice as much as the second leading state. I’m tempted to say that that should make Utahns proud. But I suppose that’s not the right word. However, it should make you pleased—and determined to keep it up. "

Use Your Superpowers for the Good of Mankind...

I was talking to my sister the other day and we were talking about something mothers often talk about, how to get your children to develop their talents and then use them for good. My sister has a talent for classic one-liners and she said that she just needed to get her son to 'use his superpowers for the good of mankind'. Exactly! We had a good laugh.
Her comment got me thinking about a lot of things. There was a cute little grandmother that lived in our neighborhood growing up. She was old when I met her at the age of 5, but she has lived a long life and is still going. She is very old now. She had a habit of writing down birthdays and anniversaries and other important dates on a little calendar. For years and years she has sent me a card on my birthday. She remembered my anniversary. She sent cards for my graduations. She sent these little remembrances to me, but also to hundreds of others who have fallen into her wide circle of love. I once mentioned how amazed I was by this gift to my mother who said, "I know, think of all the good this sweet little woman has done with just a calendar." She made a small gift go a long way. A superpower?
There is enough trouble, enough darkness, enough sadness in the world without adding to it. I find in the media, in music, in literature and in art those who possess great talent, enviable talent, but they use it to create further darkness. Their talent is then destructive, wasted.
One of my favorite books is Victor Hugo's Les Miserables. The story is dark. The character of Jean Valjean has many troubles and yet one act of kindness purchases his soul for good and ever after he returns every evil act with one of generosity and kindness. In a dark world, the light of his example still inspires.
It's easier to get attention by being shocking, ugly and dark, but the attention is short lived. Immortality belongs to those who use meagre or great talents to create a spot of light, a place of beauty, a moment of peace. They will always be remembered.
My great uncle passed away recently. He was a great man and a hero of mine. At his funeral, his son told a story:
Dad was a supervisor at a large mine. When I was about five years old, he took me deep into the mine so that I could see it. After looking around for a time, I told him that it was too dark and I was frightened. He said, "take my hand and I will lead you into the light." .. and he has done that for me my whole life.
There is no life that hasn't been touched by some trouble, some darkness. When we come through trouble, we can find a way to show compassion to another and help them find their way. When we are in trouble, we can take the hand of a friend. We can look to the light, even if it is just a tiny pin point of hope, we can move toward it.
It is the responsibility of artists to uncover the places where light, peace and beauty exist and show them to the world. It is the responsibility of art to banish the darkness by exposing the despots, tyrants, evil, lies and unkindness with such a bright light they must melt away like the Dorothy's wicked witch.
In all seriousness, I believe that each of us has been given a superpower. They grow in strength when they are used for good. They can make us immortal. Or, if our intentions are ugly or wicked our life's efforts can disappear into the oblivion of the ages. The world has many troubles.. no gift no matter how small should be left unused. Use your superpowers for the good of mankind.. Today!

On being a little black rain cloud & the lack of civility...

I try to keep this space a happy place for people to visit and I need to do that better in my personal relationships with people.. I think that I can be a little black raincloud sometimes (and even a big one like this that passed over my house a few minutes ago). C has the same problem, in fact he has often said that B negative is his blood type AND his motto. This is not good.

We need to be happy and act happy and we are working at it! We need to be like my hero Gordon B. Hinckley and try to find ways to discuss serious subjects in positive ways. I realize that even he couldn't do that all the time, but he was amazing and almost always had a positive attitude.

In addition, I think that we need to have the courage to encourage others to act in more positive ways. I ran into a bully at the market the other day. He (a sixty something well dressed, large man) treated a woman I admire rather badly. Sadly, I did not have the courage to tell him not to pick on my favorite grocery clerk. I tried to apologize to her for his rude behavior, but that is not the same thing. (I seriously don't think you can get into heaven if you treat grocery clerks and waitresses rudely!) We have allowed our society to have a greater and greater lack of civility and I have tired of it.

When I came home from the market, I explained to C what had happened and why it had upset me. He said that it is difficult in a stressful moment to know what to say and so I should consider memorizing something for such an occasion. He said to say this, "Sir, you are disgracing yourself and making others uncomfortable. Please excuse yourself until you can behave like a gentleman."

So, that is what I am going to say next time. (Brilliant C should have his own blog, but since he doesn't I'm free to steal all his good ideas and post them here. :)

You know, they talk a lot about behavior and bullying at little c's school, but how are children going to learn how to behave in a kind & gracious ways if their parents and grandparents act like bores (a tiresome person) & tyrants (one resembling an oppressive ruler in the harsh use of authority or power) at home and in public.

Our new motto is B Nice.. or sit out in a flower patch and think happy thoughts until you can!

Grace... My little brother J..

Today little c reminded me of one of my favorite life stories today and I thought I would write it down even though I know that I will never forget it.
I have a handicapped brother and he is a big guy to say the least. He suffered oxygen deficiency at birth and subsequently his world is very limited. He does not speak. Once I think a doctor said that he had the abilities of an eighteen month old child. However, he is huge.. over six feet tall and strong as an ox.
In my family he has been gently and patiently cared for primarily by my father. It has been a task of gargantuan effort and great love.
When you have a family member who is handicapped, you gain a sensitivity to certain words and to the insensitivity of those who imitate and poke fun at those whose courage just to live from day to day is valour beyond measure.
It takes a special person though to look not just at a person's ability or disability, but into their hearts to see the dignity and courage and love that are almost always there.
One day my sister and I decided to take him on an outing to the mall. Insane. J, my dear brother, had a habit of taking things in restaurants and other places, food stuffs mostly. He might walk past the chocolate milk in the market... only stop.. open and chug-a-lug rather than say placing the milk in the cart for purchase. If we were being escorted to a table by a waitress, J might pass by another patron who might happen to have a lovely buttered roll just sitting at his plate.. not being eaten. J does not understand any hesitancy in eating ones buttered roll and to show this lazy patron how things are done, he might just kife the thing and gingerly stuff it in his mouth before anyone was the wiser. It's kind of a slight of hand.. so fast you almost didn't see it.
People take things differently. Some people are kind and some are not. Some are really not. How would you feel if your buttered roll just disappeared into some big guy's mouth? J's manners are out of our control and it could be more than a little embarrassing taking him places sometimes because of these little social misunderstandings.
This particular day at the mall as we carefully went our way down the walk passing shop after shop as we went.. brother J spotted a kind face with a very large soda and in his impressive way, he had cup in hand and straw in mouth happily slurping away before we blinked and noticed.
When we did notice, of course we were horrified, although not surprised by J's thievery. We then awaited the scene that often followed.. the one where we apologize and explain and apologize and apologize... However, instead of acting annoyed or offended, this gracious lady (victim) smiled in the most genuine and friendly way and said, "Don't even worry, he is welcome to it."
I don't know this woman at all, but when I meet her in heaven, I will throw my arms around her and tell her that I love her.
Mother Theresa once said, "We can do no great things, only small things with great love." But, done with great love, a small thing can become a grand gesture.
It has been more than 10 years since this little happening, but I think of it often and it is one of the events in my life that confirms to me that people are essentially good and that even with all the bad news one so often hears.. still.. we are likely, every so often, to run into an angel right here on earth.

Dream Keepers...

I am well into reading the book Bunkhouse Logic by Ben Stein. A couple of days ago I read this passage, which had me really thinking. "If your're a salesman, they'll tell you that you can't be sales manager. When you become sales manager, they'll tell you that you can't be vice president of sales. Whey you're vice president, they'll swear that no sales veep has ever made it to president. And then when you become president, they'll stop speaking to you pure and simple." Ben Stein thinks that this is a symptom of jealousy, I'm not so sure because parents do it to their children all the time and I think it's weird to be jealous of your kids. I want mine to reach for the stars and make it. So does my dad.
My dad has never been one of those CAN'T people. If I came to him as a kid and said I want to run the marathon in the olympics, I know he would have explained to me what it takes.. the hours of training and the pain it would require to get to that place and then he would have said something like, "if thats what you really want, you can do it!"
I have tried to do that with c. She used to want to be an inventor/designer when she grew up and so I told her that she really needed to understand the funamentals of math and science, that she would have to study art in many forms and learn to think differently and learn to be really creative... in other words we better start with times tables and make sure we know those really well! These days she has a hero complex and wants to be an FBI Agent... should I take her to the shooting range? Anyway, I try to follow my dads example and I don't say "can't".
I don't think that children need to be protected from the work it will entail to achieve their dreams and I don't think it's wise to tell them they are the next American Idol if they sing like a screeching cat, but I do believe like Ben Stein does that we don't have all the information when we judge another persons dreams because we don't know how much they want it... and that is the most important thing. If someone really wants something, they will be willing to do the work it takes to get there.
My dad has always encouraged the work part. I remember telling him many times that I've tried this or that and of course I'm not there yet. His attitude is.. keep thinking.. keep trying.. try something new until...
My dad believes that dreams are achievable and so my dreams have been safe with him and my siblings dreams have been safe with him and they have all done some amazing things.
Dreams are important to people. Mine are very close to my heart. I love to be around people with big dreams, some of them will change the world.
Whether or not all of my dreams come true, they are where my mind is when I'm doing the dishes or folding the laundry and they make mundane things sparkle and shine. So, they are worth having and worth tending. And, it is a benediction to be trusted to safely tend the dreams of others.

Good Manners Thursday...

Hooray! My sister Jackie sent in this lovely contribution to Good Manners Thurs. I just love this quote and hope that you will enjoy it.

I thought you'd appreciate this on a good manners Thursday. I've been studying about the music, and culture of Bali as it pertains to music. Here's a quote for you:

"Refinement (halus) is what everyone strives for, as indirectness, self-control, humility, and polite deference are important aspects of character and social interaction in Bali. They can be seen in business and social negotiations as well as theatrical performances. As cherished ideals for behavior, they are external representations of the inner power and potency (Lisa Gold, Music in Bali, p. 94-95)."

George Washington's Rules of Civility...

If only our society was as concerned with good grace as our first president! This little book has 110 rules for good manners. Some of the rules are a bit funny to us ... but some are still very pertinent and important rules of etiquette.

a bit funny...

Cleanse not your teeth with the table cloth napkin, fork, or knife; but if others do it, let it be done with a pick tooth.

very pertinent...

Be not angry at table whatever happens, and if you have reason to be so, show it not; put on a cheerful countenance especially if there be strangers, for good humour makes one dish of meat a feast.

and...

It is unbecoming to stoop too much to ones meat. Keep your fingers clean and when foul wipe them on the corner of your table napkin.

I would add... never.. ever lick your fingers. It's a fast way to bad manners and a bad cold.

Love this little book. It's a lot to think about still.

Good Manners Thursday... Why We Hate Us..

When I don't have a good book on tape to entertain me during the hours I paint, I turn to NPR. Yesterday, I was listening when Dick Meyer was interviewed about this book. At first I thought, "What a terrible title. I'm not going to like this guy." However, he had a few really great points and I'm thinking of checking this out from the library.

The book is about the over-reach of the media... the very liberal (in the bad way) media if you ask me... the media of few and waining and almost no moral virtue. It's the media that idolizes the Paris Hiltons of the world and practically ignores the Mother Theresas. It's the angry and out of control tempers of political pundits on both sides of the debate. It's the cartoons like The Simpsons that get confused for children's fare and have our children acting and speaking like ignorant brats rather than kind and polite young people. It's the overly sexual and violent programing that we simply get used to instead of what we should do.. protest with feet, remote control and mouse. Dick Meyer made the case that too many of us are being controlled rather than controlling the media at our disposal. I couldn't agree more.

One of the things the media doesn't do that it should is to seek out and find the selfless, the kind, and the courageous in our society and put them forward to be admired. Let me tell you a story that went un-reported in the main stream media.

According the national media, our good soldiers are incredibly discouraged and military morale is at an all-time low. And yet, this photo taken on July 4, 2008 is a picture of the largest re-enlistment ceremony in U.S. Military History which took place at Al Faw Palace in Baghdad. A pizzeria in Chicago had 2,000 pizzas prepared by volunteers, frozen and flown over for what has to have been one of the largest pizza parties ever. Thank heavens for these brave men and women and for their commitment to liberty.

You know, if you look around just a little, you will find what the news does not report... the kindness, the generosity and even the greatness of everyday Americans. While I was waiting to pick up a pizza myself, the other day, a young man approached the counter asking for a job application. That's a tough thing to do, I think. I've done it many times and never felt very comfortable about it. Instead of tossing an application at the kid, the other young man behind the counter took a little time to tell him about the job, the manager and how to reach him. Then, he held out his hand to shake and told the applicant that he hoped he would be successful. I was so touched by this really small act of kindness. Who knew one could make pizza with such grace.

Good Manners Thursday...

When I was much younger I received some excellent advice from my Dad. "Be kind to everyone, everyone deserves your smiles and consideration. But, choose friends carefully, only choose those boys and girls to be your friends that are the kind of people you'd like to be." In other words people you can respect. I took that advice with only a few miss-steps here and there. Most of the friends I made are still my friends and still doing amazing things.

The word respect however, can become a little confusing especially for kids. So, I loved this article in the Washington Post by Miss Manners Judith Martin (who is pictured here after receiving the National Humanities Medal). Here is a link to the following article that appeared in The Washington Post.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008; Page C07
Dear Miss Manners:
A group of friends and I are having a discussion regarding good manners and respect. My view is that respect comes from understanding and having good manners, whereas it is being put to me that good manners and respect are two distinctly separate things that can be had one without the other. We would be very interested in learning your thoughts on the matter, and I would consider them to be the final word on the subject.

Promising Miss Manners that her word will be the final one, even before you have heard it -- now, that is respect. She thanks you.
Yet she admits that the term "respect" is rather loosely used in the manners business. This leads to the sort of argument in which a parent says, "You have to show more respect for Granny," and the child replies, "Why, since she just got out of jail for petty larceny?"
The sort of respect to which the parent is referring is a part of good manners. It means exhibiting consideration toward everyone and showing special deference to those who are older or in a position of authority.
But the child hears the word to mean the genuine admiration felt for someone who has proved himself to be worthy of it. That sort of respect is, indeed, a thing apart, which etiquette cannot mandate.
Manners require only that people show respect, although with the secret hope that the outward form will become internalized. What people feel as they size up individuals is up to them.

And, I think that sort of respect is awarded by children and by adults only when it is merited.